By Corey Springer AKA “Narkissos”
Monday, June 8th 2009: The NarkSide
Hey all… It’s just after midnight and, instead of sleeping, I’ve just spent the last couple of hours
listening to a friend lament about how he was finding it impossible to lose weight. He pointed fingers in every direction, ‘cept at himself.
“Man, I’m kinda eating close to plan. I’m almost working out daily. I try not to snack… Man. I DON’T KNOW WHY I CAN’T LOSE THE WEIGHT!”
“Try not to”?
His three sentences told me more about his eating and work-outs habits, than an hour of dialogue did.
It told me that he half-assed it.
Most people do.
Most people approach fat-loss as a system of balances: Take a little from here, add it there and voila!
If it worked like that however, each and every one of you reading this would have a six-pack…whether you wanted one or not.
Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty.
I’ll call this rant “Half-assing 101”: The GetNarked edition.
Half-assed act #1: Being a boozer.
What’s wrong with a little alcohol? Not much… ‘a little’ being the operative term. Research shows that those who consume a single alcoholic beverage once per week are less likely to become absolute lard-asses. On the opposite end of the spectrum, those who drink socially (i.e. 4-6 + drinks) increase the risk of becoming obese by 50%.
Compounding this would be the practice of adding high-sugar beverages (commonly called chasers/mixers) to alcoholic beverages. These beverages can contain caffeine (which impairs glucose
uptake when consumed alongside carbohydrates), as well as high fructose corn syrup (which, in itself, is more fattening/damaging than sugar alone).
The combined effect?
Fat-ass… in a cup!
Referencing ‘a little’ once more:
Raise your hands if you think you’re “doing enough”. i.e.
Raise your hands if you think that you should be seeing more results (with regard to weight-loss) that you are currently seeing.
Now…raise your hands if you can honestly say that you consume only one drink per week.
I’d fathom that there are no raised hands at this point.
Half-assed act #2: Thinking that doing “extra exercise” can offset the deliterious effects of your binges.
…as it really doesn’t.
I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve walked into a gym, trained a client, trained myself, done my cardio, and walked out…leaving the same chick plowing away on the elliptical.
Well… either she binged for 3 days and now is trying to ‘work it off’… or she anticipates binging, and is trying to create a deficit prior to doing so.
How silly is that?
HOW. Silly. IS. that?
Let’s put this in perspective: A ‘normal’ person consumes anywhere between 1500 and 3000 calories per day.
A binge-eater may consume 10,000-20,000 calories per sitting… Note that I said: PER SITTING!
So… 3 binges per day, for 3 days (as per the typical weekend binge)… comes up to.
…well, you can do the math.
Granted… the body can’t assimilate all of those calories in one sitting. However, you can be sure as hell that it WILL try!
That being said, I can’t fathom how any logical-thinking individual could possibly believe that hopping on the treadmill for 90 minutes the following day could ‘counteract’ the damage they did during the binge.
As we tend to burn an average of ten calories per minute during intense exercise, it would take 16 hours of cardio to ‘counteract’ a single binge-meal.
Let me reiterate: one (1) stuff-my-face-til-it-hurts session = 16 hours of cardio.
Raise your hand if you’ve tried to ‘burn off’ a previous day’s indiscretion.
Half-assed act #3: Dealing with one bad habit at a time…
…as opposed to addressing all of your issues at once.
Nark: “Why haven’t you cut out the junk food?”
Fatty: “Man, stop giving me a hard time… at least I’ve started to drink more water.”
Nark: “Why aren’t you doing your cardio mate?”
Fatty: “Hell man, isn’t enough that I’m lifting weights a couple times per week? That’s a step!”
I call this this the ‘mediocrity celebration’ act.
We’re taught at school that taking things one step at a time leads to ultimate success.
In the corporate world however, it is the multitaskers who are most successful.
Fitness follows similar ground rules: If you attempt to cover all your bases, but fail at one of two over the course of time, you’re going to be WAY more successful than someone who addresses one of two issues, but fails anyway.
Research published in the Archives of Internal Medicine supports this exact position. In a study of over 200 people who smoked, didn’t exercise much, and ate high-sodium junk food (thus leading to hypertension), one group was asked to quit smoking, cut back on dietary sodium, and to add exercise… all at once.
Another group addressed bad habits… one at a time.
At the end of 18 months, the group where individuals tackled all of their problems simultaneously had the higher success rate.
No kidding ‘eh?
Ok… let’s recap:
Show, via the raising of hands, how many of you drink.
Show, via the raising of hands, how many of you use exercise as a band-aid to cover your dietary boo-boos.
And lastly: Show, via the raising of hands, how many of you approach the resolution of your fattening habits in a mediocre fashion.
By now, nearly all of you should have your hands in the air.
However, I need you to do one more thing, so we can render this exercise complete.
Here it is… our magic solution:
Step 1: Bring that palm down to face level.
Step 2: Examine it.
Step 3: Now… Slap yourself.
Step 4: Review each of the 3 steps outlined in this article.
Step 5: Repeat steps 1-4 three times.
Good luck all!