Self Pity

Self Pity

Contributing writer to The NarkSide, on Sunday, August 29, 2010 at 1:44pm
Here goes: 
Now i am no poet …and neither am i a writer, but when i have something to say, i have no issue with putting pen to paper …so please afford me a few minutes, as i shall make this very short and to the point.

The other night while talking to my chica Lucinda, the conversation gravitated towards the issue of self pity.

Now there are basically two forms of self pity (NB: I loathe both forms). These are:

1.) Self pity based on true personal conflicts and unhappiness, and
2.) Self pity based on the thoughts and opinions of others.

Today, we shall look at both.

SELF PITY – True personal conflicts and unhappiness

This basically relates to those folks who dislike or hate things about themselves because THEY hate THEMSELVES. It maybe that they think they are too fat, or too uneducated… or it may be that they hate the negroid texture of their hair or (something like that).

“…how is wallowing in self pity (and saying “woe is me”)
going to change anything??”

Ok FINE – none of us is perfect …If you do not have the skills to accentuate the positive, thereby downplaying the importance of the negatives, how is wallowing in self pity (and saying “woe is me”) going to change anything??

The short answer? It won’t!

 There are so many gyms in BIM[1].

They range from the backyard gym, to the swanky expensive ones. How is it that you are still on the couch cuddling with a bag of snacks feeling sorry for yourself?

Do you think you will wake up one morning and be skinny?

“HELL. NO.” 

What you NEED to do is this: open the phonebook (or ask a friend for direction)… and you get yourself to a gym. Link up with a personal trainer. Do what needs to be done!

It takes work, but it’ll be worth those pounds you can lose.

Never got those CXCs[2]? Join a class, a study group, or something.


“GO GET THOSE PAPERS! – No one will hand them to you.” 

Heyyyy there is even UWI[3].

You may be slightly crazy by the time you get through up there, but at least you’ll have that diploma or degree. (i’m kidding)

Just thinking about not being qualified and complaining about not being able to get the job you need will solve nothing!

“…I rock my dreads like nobody’s business and i’m cool with them.”

Now as crazy as this may sound, there are still folks who believe that if your hair isn’t straight there is no hope for you. We live in 2010 yes?

I rock my dreads like nobody’s business and i’m cool with them, but if for some reason you should have a problem because your hair isn’t staright enough, perm it, straighten it, cut it off or something. Everyday you will just wake up and look at it and complain?


So of you women may be involved with a “no good man”. You know the type I mean ladies.

The type that causes you to exclaim outloud everyday:

  • “why do you do this (or that) to me”, or 
  • “why don’t you love me anymore”…uugghhhh. 

What are you doing slouching around the house in your sweats looking like a broken down drag queen. Put on those heels, get your hair and nails done, slip into that nice lil red or black dress (the one that knows how to hug all those curves) and step out into the night.

Give him an ultimatum: Either shape up, and act like he knows you deserve the best, or he can pack his shit and bounce.  Don’t worry this goes for you men too… There are a load of “No-good women” out there as well. Don’t stand for it.

SELF PITY – Based on the opinions and thoughts of others

Now i shall be super brief with this because if i get too caught up in this part of the note, i shall surely have a conniption.

Simply put: If your self-awareness is based on what someone else thinks of you, then you need to adopt my mantra of “fcuk the ppl”.

“…maybe someone else told you that anorexic bitches are cute?”

So suppose you ARE, 200 lbs and YOU believe you are beautiful… what gives anyone the right to tell you otherwise?

Why? So, so all of a sudden, you start to pity yourself …and wanna go from a size 20 down to a size 2. Not because you want to, mind you, but because someone else said you should. Maybe someone else told you that anorexic bitches are cute?


So what if someone out there thinks your skin isn’t perfect, or that your hair isn’t straight enough?


Why should your standards, appearance or self-awareness be gauged and defined by what someone else thinks is cool, or fun or “normal”?

Why do people always feel the need to conform?

The basic thing is that you can be happy and self pity so went out with “pepperseed bags” people. Change is good and it’s possible if it’s what YOU want. No sense in feeling sorry for yourself when there are options out there. However, you should never feel worthless because someone thinks you are. YOU DO YOU. For those who don’t like it, they can roll the fcuk on.

That is all.

Jan Merritt

P.S: For those who may read this and think i am a bitch for saying “fcuk the people”, thanks so very much for being so kind. And yes Corey, a good rant is like oxygen, thanks to you as well.

1. Bim: Colloquial name for Barbados
2. CXC: The Caribbean equivalent of “O-Levels”.
3. UWI: The University of the West Indies


  1. I saw this piece on FB first, but a second read here and I still think that it was well written and addressing some very negative trends in our society. Self acceptance is the foundation necessary for any forward movement…

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