Stupid Things Fat People Do: CardioWhoring

NarkSide: Captain’s log – March 21st 2013

Peer in to the average gym, and you will find groups of people meandering from aerobics class to aerobics class… sometimes doing 3 classes per visit to the gym.


If you’re like me, you’ve observed them looking the same for years on end. Why is that? Is it their ‘genetics’ like they claim?

No. No, it fucking isn’t.

Doing 2-3 cardio classes per day is THE WORST way to go about trying to lose fat.
1.) It is not sustainable (are you seriously going to exercise 3 hours per day for the rest of your life?)
2.) Exercising for long periods does not make your more efficient at losing fat, it makes your more efficient at exercising for longer periods.

I’m sure each of you know:
a.) A fat aerobics instructor
b.) an always-injured aerobics instructor/trainer
c.) A person that does 2+ classes per day and has looked the same for years.

a.) Fat aerobics teacher has adapted to long, frequent bouts of cardio… and subsequently does not lose weight
b.) always-injured (but in-shape) aerobics instructor/trainer does a ton of cardio on top of the ton of cardio he/she already does in their classes to stay in shape… and subsequently suffers overuse injuries
c.) This guy/chick has also adapted to the mind-numbing repetition, and requires more and more activity to see the scale budge

None of the 3 are sustainable fat-loss models. However, they are the norm in the gym. Look around you.

Further to the point, long bouts of cardio are the lazy person’s answer.

Lazy. As. FUCK.

“What are you talking about man? How can 3 hours of exercise per day be lazy?”

Most people can do classes on autopilot. Hardly any classes are truly high intensity.

“But Nark, I do spin. You’re talking shit man.”

Take the average spinner. Take ’em outside on a track. Make ’em sprint all-out for 10 seconds, rest 20 seconds, and repeat that 10 times. 5 minutes of exercise.

That’s SURE to make them vomit.

Next, take that spinner aside and make ’em do 5 rounds of 20 burpees.

That entire workout will probably take them 15 minutes.

Ask them to compare that level of intensity to their supposedly-high-intensity spin class.


The average person is afraid of work. This is why the average person will always get average (or subpar) results. Walking around wishing that they could lose 1-3 lbs of fat per week, but contenting themselves with losing 5lbs per year because they are ‘more comfortable’ meandering through the mediocrity of doing 2+ aerobics classes per day, and eating like shit.

You people eat like shit.

It’s that simple.

Eat like shit. Overexercise. Get better at overexercising. Don’t lose a fucking pound.

Or… do lose a pound. Can’t maintain that loss for a year.

Stupid fucking cycle.

And here ends my get-up-off-your-lazy-asses rant today.

Anybody who doesn’t like it can fuck off.

Cus they’re probably fat.


-C. “Narkissos” Springer
Owner of: 
“The NarkSide” Fitness Forums
Apollo Fitness Barbados
NarkSide Apparel

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