Stardate: 7th September 2014
This morning, after sleeping entirely on my right side, I woke up unable to move my left arm. I mean, I could not move it at all. Could not feel my fingers. Could not contract anything on the left side. And, did not think about trying to move the right side… As I was laying on it. Felt like I was trapped in my body. My mind went in to an absolute panic…as being in a vegetative state is one of my greatest fears. I was scared shit-less.
“Have I had a stroke”, I thought. Then the cynical/logical side of my brain kicked in, chuckled, and rationalised: “it’s probably just nerve impingement from your weight, and the uncomfortable position you slept in last night.”
I calmed down… But, immediately, that took my mind on a tangent.
“Is this how stroke and accident victims feel? The frustration and fear while trying to express themselves, and/or execute tasks that they used to take granted… Things that I take for granted now?”
And, in that split second, I felt a wave of sadness. Because, having pushed up with my right arm (- thus undoing the impingement and allowing feeling to return to my left side-), I realised: there is no simple/logical fix for many people’s impediments. And, as i reflected more deeply, I asked myself: Have I been impatient with people who have legitimate physical limitations?
I don’t think so. But, from today, this experience will make me think harder.
-Corey “Narkissos” Springer