Confidence is a Bumpy Road

Stardate: 21st September 2014


I have a confession.

I… I struggle with self confidence.

Many don’t realise this, because of the level of persistence, detail, and work I put in to anything I want in life.

I am confident in the things I have achieved and learned… But never confident during the process.


But, despite doubts… I keep my head down and work until I achieve what I desire. Insanity? Maybe. My cognitive processes are anything but normal, and I’m fine with that.

One thing I’ve always doubted, but worked insanely hard at is my artistry.

I’ve heard comments on both sides of the coin: “he’s a gimmick”; “he’s brilliant.”

Many times I’m not sure which side I fall on. But then they are nights like tonight when, full of doubt, I touch the mic…and get lost in the art… And sometimes I fall out of the zone for a second and realise that people around are also caught up.

Those are the moments that I live and work for… In all areas of my life.

I’ve babbled.

All of this to say: look for those moments.

Doesn’t matter if it’s in your job or relationship, or hobby, or a new skill you’re looking to learn.

Look for those moments when everything around you melts away, and you find yourself immersed in the purity of your pursuit.

…That moment when you smile from your very soul.

Confidence is a bumpy road.
Use those sparks to keep it well-lit.

-Corey “Narkissos” Springer

A Moment In Another’s Shoes

Stardate: 7th September 2014

This morning, after sleeping entirely on my right side, I woke up unable to move my left arm. I mean, I could not move it at all. Could not feel my fingers. Could not contract anything on the left side. And, did not think about trying to move the right side… As I was laying on it. Felt like I was trapped in my body. My mind went in to an absolute panic…as being in a vegetative state is one of my greatest fears. I was scared shit-less.

“Have I had a stroke”, I thought. Then the cynical/logical side of my brain kicked in, chuckled, and rationalised: “it’s probably just nerve impingement from your weight, and the uncomfortable position you slept in last night.”

I calmed down… But, immediately, that took my mind on a tangent.

“Is this how stroke and accident victims feel? The frustration and fear while trying to express themselves, and/or execute tasks that they used to take granted… Things that I take for granted now?”

Big shoes to fill, child's feet in large black shoes, on wood fl

And, in that split second, I felt a wave of sadness. Because, having pushed up with my right arm (- thus undoing the impingement and allowing feeling to return to my left side-), I realised: there is no simple/logical fix for many people’s impediments. And, as i reflected more deeply, I asked myself: Have I been impatient with people who have legitimate physical limitations?

I don’t think so. But, from today, this experience will make me think harder.

-Corey “Narkissos” Springer