Convo with a friend last night:
Her: “[…] So happy to be surrounded by good people.”
Me: “I’m not a good person.” (Sidenote: Truly, I’ve never considered myself bad or good… I’ve always lived to be the best. Nothing more or less.)
Her: “But you are. A lot of people think a good person is a saint: someone who does no wrong. But good people do wrong, much like smart people sometimes say stupid things. What makes you a good person is: knowing yourself, your true self, faults and all… Being conscious of and cknowledging them; doing good for others. For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve always done good for others.”
I’ll be honest… I wasn’t expecting any of what she said. But, it could not have come at a better time. So, let me pass on my appended footnotes:
– Figure out who you are.
– Do what you can for others.
– Live to be the best you, you can be.
– Expect to fail many times over. Be prepared to be fine with that.
– Be fine with people judging you. Don’t ever let their judgements become your perspective… Because perspective becomes your reality. (I’ve failed here a number of times. What’s that saying about a hundred frenchmen, or hearing something enough times? Yea… I started to drink that koolaid. No bueno!)
Sometimes, things fall apart when they are on the cusp of evolving in to something spectacular. When I was younger, and less functionally depressive, such events used to render me catatonic for weeks and months. I remember one such episode years ago, which broke my long-standing faith in to more pieces than there is sand on the beach.
I remember how I went from having back and forths with God, like if (s)he were one of my boys. I remember how real the convos were. The cuss words. The ‘Dude… this situation is fucked up. I doan understand’-esque dialogue. And, I remember falling to the point where I didn’t even want to feel the warmth of grace permeating my grey matter and life.
Personal growth is a beautifully-complex thing though. The acceptance of change is a fruitful limb on that tree.
Some people aren’t aware of my lifelong personal journey with Christ.
“Corey? Not him. He drinks. He has tattoos. He cusses. He has sex. He isn’t shit.” – And they say that Christians are judgemental?
Ironic… since it isn’t the Christians whose lips are flapping.
On the flip side, some people know about my belief structure… but think it beneath me. “An intellectual that believes in a floating zombie in the sky? He can’t be as intelligent as we used to think. I can’t respect him.”
Both sides of the coin are fine. I accept them…as each of you that has a personal spiritual journey and guide should. Why? Because it’s personal.
Follow your path. Neglect not your spirit, whatever the avenue to spiritual nourishment you align with happens to be.
Ignore the naysayers. Abstain from warring over who’s right or wrong. Nobody is…and everybody is.
Find that elusive peace among the infinite conflict of today’s supramaximally-paced rat race of a world.