Some thoughts on forgiveness

Stardate: 19th August 2015

Hey all. I had an amazingly cathartic experience, that I’d like to share with you.

This isn’t a religious post, but it did stem from a counseling session I had with my pastor yesterday. So… there’s that disclaimer. 🙂

In the session, my pastor said to me:

“The greatest gift you can give a person, is forgiveness.”

To my pastor’s declaration, I’d replied:

“But, this [forgiveness] goes against everything that I’m feeling.”

Truthfully, in my heart of hearts, I could not conceptualise my lips verbalising “I forgive you”  in any shape or form. Even thinking about it felt like a slight to my intelligence. It felt… as if I were urinating on my self worth. Dramatic? Maybe. But that was exactly how I felt in that moment… like I’d need a shower afterward.

My pastor replied:

“I know. But… forgiveness isn’t about accepting what they’ve done, or condoning it. It’s about healing… for both of you. You let go, and allow an opportunity to heal. Because you can’t heal if you’re still holding on to hurt.”

Some hours later… I met up with a friend who’s a lot like me: doesn’t hold grudges; moves on from a situation quickly; goes from full rant to zero in seconds. But, based on the session I had with my pastor, I realised that not holding grudges and ‘moving on with life’ wasn’t the same as forgiveness… and, really, that one can’t wholly move on without forgiveness.

And, finally, the difference clicked for me.

“I forgive you.”

These were the hardest words I’ve vocalised in a long time. “I’m sorry” doesn’t nearly compare. “I love you” isn’t nearly as heavy.

“I forgive you.”

With those words, I released a burden that I hadn’t even realised I’d been carrying. With it, came tears. With them? Lightness.

Who will you release today?

Yours in health, peace, and fitness,
– Corey Springer
Apollo Fitness Barbados

A Moment In Another’s Shoes

Stardate: 7th September 2014

This morning, after sleeping entirely on my right side, I woke up unable to move my left arm. I mean, I could not move it at all. Could not feel my fingers. Could not contract anything on the left side. And, did not think about trying to move the right side… As I was laying on it. Felt like I was trapped in my body. My mind went in to an absolute panic…as being in a vegetative state is one of my greatest fears. I was scared shit-less.

“Have I had a stroke”, I thought. Then the cynical/logical side of my brain kicked in, chuckled, and rationalised: “it’s probably just nerve impingement from your weight, and the uncomfortable position you slept in last night.”

I calmed down… But, immediately, that took my mind on a tangent.

“Is this how stroke and accident victims feel? The frustration and fear while trying to express themselves, and/or execute tasks that they used to take granted… Things that I take for granted now?”

Big shoes to fill, child's feet in large black shoes, on wood fl

And, in that split second, I felt a wave of sadness. Because, having pushed up with my right arm (- thus undoing the impingement and allowing feeling to return to my left side-), I realised: there is no simple/logical fix for many people’s impediments. And, as i reflected more deeply, I asked myself: Have I been impatient with people who have legitimate physical limitations?

I don’t think so. But, from today, this experience will make me think harder.

-Corey “Narkissos” Springer

You. Are. Not. POOR!

Stardate: 1st September 2014

I have noticed a trend of late… a negative, dark, disturbing, downright scary trend. And, I’m not even talking about the fitness community… which is inherently saturated with egos, cliques, and venomous relationships. Naw… I’m talking about society in general right now.

The trend? Tearing others down. Bullying. Mudslinging. Everything short of violence. Behaviours that one would expect in war-torn 3rd world societies.

The ‘poverty’ paradigm.

‘Cept… y’all aint poor!

Let me clarify the above statement:

If you have gas in your vehicle, food in your cupboard, and people who love you… You are not poor.

If you have a warm bed to sleep in, the option of changing in to clean clothes each day, running water and indoor plumbing… You are not poor.

If you’ve never had to recycle bottles to get lunch money… You are not poor.

Worn and battered shoes of a beggar in the streets

If you’ve never had to take half the minimum wage for a full day’s work… You are not poor.

And, really, you shouldn’t act like it.

Even if you only have $2 in your wallet: Broke and poor aren’t synonyms, and can’t be used interchangeably.

You aren’t hungry. You aren’t dumpster-diving, so let go of the mindsets inherent to such.

I dunno what it is about economic downturn that makes people so fucking angry, jealous, vindictive… Like crabs in a barrel… But today, let it go.

Love and laughter are gems. Treasure them. Shine them daily.

-Corey “Narkissos” Springer